While doing my daily Instagram strolling I saw in bold letters, YOU CAN BE USED BY GOD AND GAY. It caused me to stop, pause, and think. In that moment I realized how many years I spent not acknowledging that, to be true. In that time of reflection I began to see how my thoughts and feelings about homosexuality had evolved, changed, and matured. The saying goes, When you know better, you do better. That same night I entered into dialogue with my husband about that subject matter, and for the first time in years, I heard a shift in his thinking as well. Later that night I began walking and speaking with God. We talked about the tug I was feeling in my heart to reach out to those in the LGBTQ+ community and learn how to show love, minister, and serve them. Clear as day God instructed me to reach out to the woman who posted the statement and request to interview her. I was so elated she responded with a yes, and I am excited to share with you our conversation.
SdotNoeL is a multitalented woman of God who started her life in the inner city of Los Angeles. She grew up in the COGIC Church, and when her family and peers learned she was lesbian, not everyone was accepting and ready to show her the love and support she needed. SdotNoeL states she was born gay and was always aware of who she was at a young age. She first expressed her feelings to her Aunt when she was 10 years old.
“I confided with my Aunt at the time; whom I felt really comfortable with….I came out to her, and she really became an advocate for me”.
Two years later her mother and other family members found out, and SdotNoeL was kicked out of her home at the age of 13.
“These ideas being put into my head about myself..I’d never be loved..God would never except me…These were coming out of my families mouth”.
SdotNoeL then entered into a time of depression. She continued to attend her Uncle’s mega church, experiencing being singled out from the pulpit. Even though many showed disapproval of her sexual orientation, she was still called upon to minister over the praise team.
“Having gone through all of that, but still being called on in church. Still being praise and worship leader. Still being used. Still being effective in peoples lives, because of what I’ve been through. Still being able to be a vessel”.
Faith is SdotNoeL’s driving force for everything she does, but there was a time she had a disconnect with God.
“I went through my cognitive dissonance. I went through the periods of time where I felt like I hated God because of what I had to go through…..but that was all a part of the purpose……God’s will for my life is to show people that through pain, and through judgment, does come a purpose”.
Although SdotNoeL’s family said many hurtful things in the past, they have had a turning point in their relationship with her. The relationship she has with her mother went from not speaking for about five years after she was kicked out, to now being able to call on her mother for strength and conversation.
“I can talk to her(Mother) about girlfriends…..The day I was getting a lot of church people come over(to her social media page), they were saying a lot of really harsh things. I just had to call her…I was like Mom, people are saying some really harsh things…She was just like, that’s unfortunate. You just keep doing what you’re doing, because God is using you”.
In our interview I also asked some personal questions I had about gay culture that I always wanted to hear answers to. One question that I was always curious about, was how a gay person interprets the scriptures that say homosexuality is an abomination unto God. SdotNoeL shared her personal views.
“I would never lay with a man the way I lay with a woman…..I’m not a heterosexual, so I don’t know what it takes to be in a heterosexual relationship…..I’m not redefining the relationship of male and female, by laying with a woman…..We’re not trying to become like heterosexual relationships…..So when I read that word, that doesn’t mean to me that I should not be laying with a woman period. That means to me, that I am not going to assume the role of a man…..That concept, that idea is so hard to sink through in the realm of Christianity”.
We both understood that change does not happen over night and what gets to you first is what you believe. I believe the word of God is infallible and I believe we all must search the scriptures and seek out truth. The amazing thing about being human is, truth looks different from the perspective and background of the viewer. While we talked scriptures, I agreed with many things SdotNoeL stated, some things I will be studying, and others I currently disagree. She talked about what its like for many gays to sit in church, and it hit my heart hard y’all. I want all people, from all walks of life to be able to freely worship in church, without fear, and in the presence of love.
“Which is why homosexuality in the confines of a church does not work for us. It’s degradation. I’m suffering If I’m staying in a church that does not understand my concept. That doesn’t understand my ideas and beliefs”.
SdotNoeL then made a great analogy likening gays and church people as warehouse workers who look the same, but in speaking find out they are different.
“You’ll have two choices. You can except them for their difference, or you can judge them for their difference. The moment that you start stepping over into judging them for their difference, you’re taking yourself out of the understanding game”.
As we began to talk about the misconceptions about gays in the Christian worldview we found that communication is key to understanding. SdotNoel said that no question was off limits before we started the interview, and spoke her truth throughout the interview; making me laugh and think throughout. I came to the interview with a list of questions, but as soon as we began to talk, the interview became a conversation of curiosity and courage.
We all must understand in life we may differ in thought in some areas, but we must all show kindness, respect, and love. I enjoyed our conversation so much and I know and hope it ruffles many feathers, because these conversations are simply not happening and they need to be!
Currently you can find SdotNoeL sharing her gifts with the world all to the glory of God. She is a singer, song writer, background vocalist, mixer, editor, actress, comedian, event host, and I’ll add, a missionary! I want to say thank you to SdotNoeL; Thank you for opening my eyes, pulling on my ears, shaking up my thoughts, and hearing my heart. God bless you!
For any young girls that are going through depression and anxiety, or contemplating coming out to their family about anything because of fear, I want to say know that God loves you, I love you, and I want you to read these words SdotNoeL stated she would say to her younger self that was going through depression and anxiety:
“….That is the beginning of the rose blossoming through the concrete….Those feelings of anxiety are showing you that there is room that needs to be made, on the other side of it, because any time that you feel anxiety young lady, on the other side of that is nothing but pure joy for you. And if you could just make it through the thoughts that are there in you, which are self-conscious beliefs; and if you could get a hold of those beliefs and turn them into something that you actually desire and actually want, you’ll be just fine”.
The conversation we had, was so good and necessary. There is so much more that we discussed and I want you and everyone you know to hear the full conversation so click the link below to hear the interview and share everywhere!