Let me tell you! I have been making big changes to my hair care lately and it has been working! So of course I had to share with y’all! I’m going to tell you the big news up front: I wear hair grease in my hair! Did your eyebrows raise, did your jaw drop? If you’ve been a part of the curly natural hair community for a while you know hair grease is the forbidden fruit. We all grew up on it and when we got older, and became at home researchers and chemist and bandwagon jumpers we decided hair grease was out and hair milks, creams, and butters were in!
Well, a couple of months ago I was up late watching Youtube hair videos, which I find so relaxing, and just might have to make more myself… tehehe. I was watching a video by a hair chemist and she began talking about the benefits of using hair grease and the ingredients that help our over all hair health. I then started watching video after video of more people sharing how they started back using hair grease or use their own homemade version. I was convinced and started mixing up my own batch!
Y’all, I noticed an immediate change in my hair and have been hooked since! You see I have low porosity hair that cries out for moisture and all those cute lil fruity smelling products was not giving my hair the extra moisture its been craving, since I also now have a lot more silver hair.
If you know me, you know I will cut my hair and shave it off in a second. I love a shaved head, that life is so freeing and the lowest hair maintenance ever! Recently though I’ve decided to let my hair grow longer and that I actually want to have really long hair. One day I was braiding my hair, and although people would see it and say it was long, I knew it wasn’t growing at a consistent and healthy normal rate for me.
I realized I was dealing with a problem I know so many people deal with all the time when it comes to hair growth. My hair had no problem growing, its hair, it grows. The problem was, retaining the length my hair was growing. I then thought about my nails. (My brain works magically lol) I realized that my nails that used to grow really long, really fast, but would break so much, was no longer having that problem.
What was causing my once easily broken nails to thrive, and why was my hair just staying around the same length? The answer to both was moisture! I wash my hands constantly, like a lot, like I put online how often I wash my hands once and people kept asking if I have OCD…a lot… With all my hand washing I noticed how damaging it was to my skin and nails and I started making sure to keep my hands moisturized with oils, butters, and lotion. Now all I needed to do was figure out how to help my dry hair stay hydrated and moisturized, so it could stay strong and keep its elasticity and not be easily broken off. I want to share with you some of the changes that have helped my hair stay moisturized and retain length.
Love y’all, what are some hair tips you have?
I haven’t been posting on my blog for quite some time….ok a year! Well, even though I have not been posting, I still had some days I wrote. Here’s a blog I wrote back in March. The wild yet amazing thing is, it is so true and real for me now, and we talked about this topic in church today too! God sure does amaze me. He taught me a lesson months in advance only to remind me of it and show me just how sweet He is in getting His words to me. My heart is full.❤️
I thought to make this blog a video, but knowing myself, it would be an hour+ long video, because what I have to tell you today, there is so much I want to say! I recently went to a woman’s retreat with 2 of my sisters and had the most amazing time with them. The Word was so rich and on time. Even though I much enjoyed the Word while there, it wasn’t until I came home I understood the heavy importance of the Word spoken. Isn’t it just like God to have you receive His Word, and then life comes and smacks you to see just how much of that Word you allowed to fall on fertile ground and mixed it with faith in your heart.
Before I left for the retreat there was so much on my mind and my plate and I purposed in me that I would not give anything a single thought while on the trip. You do know what happens when you pull away to take a breather right? You may have stepped away, but always ready to receive you back, is all the stress and worries you left behind, because life does not pause just because you took a moment to pause yourself.
There is one lesson that was taught this past weekend that has been a constant song in my heart the moment I returned home. The lesson talked about how during The Feast of The Tabernacles the Israelites were to focus on remembering all that God had done for them, how He delivered them, and provided for them. They would spend a week resting from all their work and cares and rejoice all day, every day! We then learned that after this high time in the Lord, after all the candlelights went out indicating the end of the feast, people would right way become sad.
I remember in our group discussion after the lesson I shared how we all do the same thing now. We’ll spend time thanking and rejoicing for all God has done, but then life happens and we forget our times of rejoicing, and our focus moves from God and onto our problems. As I write now I’m thinking…The Feast of Tabernacles was an instructed time of rejoicing, but when the candlelights went out, God our light, still remains and we can rejoice in Him everyday!
Here’s the truth: right now I could be a puddle in the corner curled up thinking on the things that have been occurring to myself and those I love, and the many things on my to-do list, but I’m choosing to rejoice in the fact that God is still good! God is still faithful, God is still providing, His grace is sufficient for us, and His mercies are still new every morning.
The parallels of pain and peace, worry and rejoicing, and fear and love are happening in all our lives. What will you give focus to? Joy is not ignoring your circumstances, it’s remembering God during your circumstances.
I want us to live a joyful life. I want us to truly lay things down at God’s feet and refuse to carry what is not meant for us to carry. No matter what comes our way or makes it’s way onto our full plates, I want us to dance, because God’s light remains. I want us to sing songs, because God is so worthy of praise and worship. I want us to live with certitude that God is Lord, He is good, He sees us, He hears us, and God loves us. The other day I gave God my cares. I prayed and shared all the things on my heart and mind. My hopes and my fears. I placed my load down, and trust God enough to not engage in thoughts and words that cause me to pick those things back up. I highly recommend taking time to lay it all out before God and remember, we are to rejoice in the Lord always.
I legit have a back log of blogs and reviews I want to post, and must make time to post! Be sure to catch that, “make time,” not “find time”. We must make time for the things that are important to us. When we try to find time to do those things we desire to do, something will always come up, and you’ll find yourself searching for more time!
Anywho…..this is a life update blog!
Back in April I received my Early Elementary Montessori Teaching Certification!! I’m cheesing about that, because man was that hard work! I realized the other day I just glossed over that accomplishment. I didn’t take a pause to recognize how far God brought me through. I was in the boys school room cleaning up and I saw all my Montessori school books on the bookshelf. I marveled at the fact that I read all those huge binders and stayed up many nights answering over a thousand questions and writing thousands of words all to become a better teacher for my children, and more children to come in the future. I remember how challenging it was and times I even considered quitting….but God! He gave me grace and strength everyday, and for that I am so grateful.
Our Bishop back in NC who is like a mentor and Family to me and Thomas one day said someone told him, “Man you’re always in school”. I feel like I’m now that person who is always in school lol. I’m currently taking Spanish classes. Listen! I live in the United States, I live in FL, learning Spanish is essential in these streets! I told my friend, who is actually my Spanish teacher (the best teacher might I add tehehe), taking these classes with her are so special to me. I’ve been going to college and getting certifications for years and there were times I felt the pressure to go and get a degree and prove myself to others. Taking these Spanish classes is something I’m doing just for me. There’s no proving, there’s no assignment attached, there’s no pressure, its just something I’ve always wanted to do, and the fact that God blessed me with a friend who is willing to walk with me to teach me her first language, for that I am also, so grateful.
Last year I desired so much for someone to start a Women’s Bible Study, and during my time of praying and hoping, God set me up and told me to do it, lol! I battled so long with the idea of starting a Women’s Bible Study, all I could think about was what negative things people may say, who am I to do such a thing, and honestly, what if I do it, and no one comes… Well, in December last year, while I was battling with the assignment, and my insecurities, my husband came to me one day and said the Lord said to start January. I knew it was God and I humbled myself, accepted my assignment, and started Light Time the first week in January! I love our Wednesday Nights. We laugh, we cry, we share, we encourage, we just have a great time, and for that I am so grateful.
So after I started doing the Women’s Bible Study, I was still attending a great church in FL online. After a while, I kept telling my husband I needed more. Online church can be great for so many reasons, but what I was in need of was community. My husband and I spent many nights in prayer about direction and community. Well, on the ride back home from a trip we started talking about all the things we desired in a church community and all the things we’ve experienced within a church community that we desired not to have. While discussing this, Holy Spirit swelled within me and the car. I began to cry as I thought about all the souls in need of love and knowledge of the Savior. I would hint to Hubby maybe we haven’t joined the church we were going to because we were supposed to start one. We’ve known for years the call to ministry, but assumed it was far far farrrrrrrrr away from right now. Fast forward several weeks after that car ride and the Lord tells us in prayer to begin. Time passes and the Lord tells me “Now is the time”……Time goes by again and during our monthly prayer ZOOM God speaks and lets me know when He said Now, He meant Right Now! Well, we fought it, we battled within ourselves, we tried to see how our agendas could fit into God’s plan…and in the end we surrendered and canceled all thoughts that were in the way of our obedience and began Hope Family Gathering, meeting Sundays at 11am! These last few weeks of gathering right at our dining room table have been the best weeks of the year to me! I look forward to Sunday and love talking about the Lord, our journeys, and engaging in edifying and encouraging conversations. Lord, for that I am so very grateful!
Now for one last personal inside scoop update lol… Ya girl just turned 32 and I’m loving this moment in my life! I’m walking in that New New! Forgiving myself, choosing happiness, and remaining hopeful. Every year, on our birthdays, my Mom always asks us, “Do you feel older”. This year, I do! Not the typical getting older random knee and back pain…but the I’m growing wiser in certain areas and the things that used to bother me, don’t bother me so much anymore. I spent years caring about a size, and now I care about being healthy and well. I spent years caring so much about what people thought of me, and now I know God accepts me and I accept myself. I spent years trying to be what I thought was required of me, and now I feel so free just being handcrafted by God, me! For all these things, I am so grateful.
I have had the title of today’s blog written on my calendar for over a month! Been busy doing home renovation projects and getting my boys ready for their new school year. Oh, the boys have started their new school year and I have finally finalized their lesson plans for the year! Whew…Now I’m ready to get back on my neglected blog and share with you all many things I’ve been working on over the year.
I’m not sure if I already told you all or not, but my word for the year is Release. I am not only looking forward to things being released to me, but things being released off of me. I’ve been focused the last few years on getting my mental health together. Putting in the work and time to truly allow my mind to be transformed and renewed. It will amaze you, the many things in our lives that are directly influenced by our mindsets.
A month or so ago I was fasting with my Sis-In-Loves (How some saved folk say Sis-In-Law), and we were sharing our experiences during the fast. We all joked about how being on the fast removed all our go-to coping mechanisms. When our crutches were removed, we were then forced to rely on God instead, which we all agreed should have been our go-to in the first place!
Prior to being on the fast I did a healthy eating devotional with a friend from church. The author talked about comfort foods and the need for us to rely on God for comfort instead of sweets and snacks. I never thought I was one seeking food over God and that hit me hard! I knew I was an emotional eater, but it wasn’t until that moment I realized the times in my life I ran towards the short lived comfort of food, instead of the lasting comfort of my loving Father God.
When you go on a fast you choose something you love to eat or enjoy doing that you feel takes up more room than it should in your life, and you choose to devote more time to Christ. The beginning is usually the hardest, as you realize just how much time and effort went into things other than the building of your faith and relationship with God. As time goes on, you have this grand moment, though sometimes just a minute of your time, when you come to grips that the things you used to run to, you don’t need to run to anymore; and you don’t want to run to anymore.
Well, on our fast, three of the things I was fasting from was, sweets, long scroll time on social media, and television higher than a PG rating. I saw your face as you read that, and I think I even heard a chuckle, but listen, as the preachers like to say, “Stay with me. I’m going somewhere with this”. I actually started out fasting from many different foods, but after my body almost gave up the ghost twice from lack of nourishment, I realized I wasn’t meant to reach that level of holiness, and had to just cut out sweets. Use discernment when fasting!
I had reached the halfway mark on our fast and Holy Sprit seriously lead me to a thinking session, because I know I would not have willingly went there on my own.
One day I was sitting on my bed and some provoking thoughts came: Why do I run to sweets, socials, and tv so much? Why am I finding it so hard this season to turn away from them? What pull do they have on me? What am I seeking to get out of them, that I’m supposed to be getting from God? When did it start?
Soooo….you know I was sitting in my room messed up for a minute right?!
After some recalling and analyzing I realized I was seeking two things from the entertainment and food: Acceptance and Comfort…..Mind Blown… I know! I told you it had to be Holy Spirit, because it sure nuff wasn’t me!
I looked back over my life and I realized food became a comfort for me. I’ve experienced many dark days in my past, and many nights I would not go to sleep, but instead, would stay up eating and watching tv to numb my pain and to escape my feelings and environment. Food and Television became my comfort zones, a safe place of refuge. I’m starting to reach the real vulnerable place right now….
I began to see the need for comfort, then I wanted to examine the desire for acceptance. Ahhh to be accepted. It is a world wide desire. I had allowed myself to once again fall into the social media trap of wanting to be seen and heard. I see so many people online fall into that trap and then post videos of how they’re trying to come up out of depression, or how they stepped away for so long because it was too much. I thought about how I felt after scrolling so much. Although many posts I saw were entertaining, and many made me smile, after all the scrolling though, I came up empty.
I would get up from my scrolling and realize how much time had passed and all I was doing was siting there watching other peoples life and compared mine to it. DO NOT COMPARE!
I confessed to my husband one day that I absolutely love and enjoy my life so much, and then I scroll and start to take out the good life measuring stick and think I have so far to go. I found myself wanting my life to look like others and wanting others to look at me and make me feel like I was worth something.
Ouch….this is getting way too personal, too real, too fast!
On a real tip, I was still holding so much hurt from people who literally made me feel like I was nothing, that any double tap or comment that was positive I so badly wanted, because I allowed those things to make me feel as if I was being seen, and that for a moment, someone thought I was worth the time.
Let me stop right there and say, that day in my room, Holy Spirit lead me to this truth: Get your Acceptance and Comfort from God! He will not fail you! I thought about all the mean folk I experienced and how they made me feel, then I thought about how God made me feel. I thought about all the people I wanted to impress and I wanted to accept me, and I realized I’m accepted by The King Jesus! I thought about the sweets and countless hours of comedy I ingested that never filled me, but in the presence of God my cup would run over.
If you’ve found yourself seeking to feel acceptance and comfort from anything other than The Lord, today decide to replace those empty moments with Him. He accepts you just as you are, and He thinks the world of you. God will comfort you like no other. I may be a work in progress, but I’m glad to say I’m making progress.
Before Christmas my kids kept seeing so many toy commercials that would interrupt their cartoons and work hard to grab their attention. Sometimes they would see a cool toy and yell, “Mommy come here, come here before you miss it!” They would then tell me how the toy on screen was one they don’t have, and how they believed somehow their life would benefit greatly, if said toy were to somehow magically appear in our home. Out of all the toy commercials they saw, the commercial they all were most excited about was a commercial for Snackeez!
My kids are currently 3, 5, and 7, and they were hyped about a cup! My middle son who loves to explain everything, kept telling us how convenient the Snackeez would be, and how it would add to our lives to be able to sip and snack out of the same device. Fast forward, Christmas Day……They received their Snackeez! The look on their faces and the excitement in their screams made that one small purchase worth it. That little thing meant so much to my kids, and to see how happy it made them, meant so much to me.
The other day my husband had to return to the office for work. A few days before he had to go, he told me about it, and he looked so worried to tell me; because he knew of my previous reactions to news about him having to go anywhere during Covid that was not the grocery store! My reaction this time…..was no different. Mama was not happy! I may have said some words about people I had to repent for later…just saying. The night before hubby had to go into the office, he found out the decision was finalized and he sure nuff had to go. I was still having a rough time with it. My mind was racing and so filled with what ifs and whys.
Well, that morning came and hubby got all dressed up for work and packed his work bag and was headed out the door. The kids were surprisingly still asleep and now I was in my kitchen, early morning, in a completely silent home. The night before, I cried out to God and asked Him one simple request, “No matter what must happen, please give me peace and be with me”. As I stood in my kitchen looking out the window at the beautiful morning sky, and the way the leaves on the trees perfectly seemed to be waving to a rhythm, I felt complete peace. It was peace that felt so good, all I could do was start smiling.
My smiles ended up shifting to my hands raised and tears rolling down my face. I became so over joyed that a moment I thought would be so hard, God had given me peace to make it through. He had answered my prayer from the night before. My prayer wasn’t long or eloquent, in fact, I was struggling to pray, because I was experiencing so many emotions. What little strength I had left, I decided to be straight up with God, and tell Him, I need help.
After I gave God praise, I decided to go and pray to give Him more thanks. While sitting there I realized that it’s the little things God does that makes the biggest impact on my heart. I have countless stories of how something seemingly so small in the grand scheme of things, could mean so much to me; and the fact that God shows that the little things I care about, He cares about; means the world to me!
I used to work at a community college in the admissions office back in NC. I had been out of work for a little while and was so grateful for the opportunity. Prior to getting the job, I would always start my days and end my days in our upstairs prayer closet. I was a homemaker with nothing but time in the morning. Once I got the job, my morning routine had to change. God had been so good to me and I decided one night that no matter how much or how little time I had in the morning before work, I would go up those steps, get on my knees, and pray.
Some mornings I would be running late, and as I would get ready to open the garage door in a rush to get to the car, I would hear that still small voice say, “No matter how much, or how little”. I had many 2 minute prayer days, but every time, every single time, God would show up. I would feel His peace, and He would redeem the time. I promise you, I would go to pray knowing I had 5min to get to work, and somehow, I would make it right on time, or my boss wouldn’t be there so I could slide in lol. I couldn’t understand how it could be 7:30am, and after I kneeled in prayer for a while, it would be 7:32am when I arrived at work!
I said all that to say, it’s the little things. The little decision I made to give God time no matter how much or how little, He honored it. He moved on my behalf. He has shown me, that the little things is where He moves greatly. The little moments with my children, I feel His love. The little circumstances that pop up, He’ll be right there to see me through. It is the little steps I take trying, just trying, and He’ll make big moves just for little ol’ me. Today I feel so blessed for every little moment in time where God paused life around me to make me know He is near. Today, think back on a moment that was seemingly small, that had a beautifully grand impact on your heart, and simply tell God: Thank you, Thank you Lord for the little things.
I am so happy to be writing my first blog of the new decade! Let me first say I hope this year shows you the purpose that lives on the inside of you. I hope the very thing you are struggling to believe will happen, happens! I hope that when you seek God, you find the peace that comes in His presence and you daily desire Him like never before. I hope you don’t just talk about change, but you transform and cause a momentum shift to take place in your life, and the lives around you!
Every year our church asks the members, to each individually, think back on the previous year. Think about the highs and lows. Think about where you’ve grown, and where you’ve struggled. Choose one word that will be your focus for the new year. My husband and I love sharing with each other our word for the year. For days I kept trying to decide between two words: present and consistent. I listed reasons why I should focus on those, but they just weren’t the word that the Lord gave me for the year.
Last year the Lord gave me the word steady. Every time I wanted to give up last year, every time I couldn’t see the good, every time I wanted to just accept depression and give in; I would whisper to myself steady. I would gather myself, thank the Lord and seek Him for guidance, strength, and comfort. It’s wild how powerful one word can be, and why it was so important for me to now seek the Lord for my one word for the year. I was doing some writing and researching word definitions, because I’m the kind of person who reads the dictionary for fun haha. While looking for one word, I was directed to click on another word and well….
As I thought back to last year I thought about how I kept feeling like I was going through the fire. So much was going on in my life that continuously brought me to my knees, either to cry, or to pray, and sometimes both. Through the fire I kept feeling like things were being burned away off of me. Although it was painful, I knew the beauty of new life that would emerge would be worth it. For everything that is precious on earth, there is a painful process for the unique beauty of it to be birthed. Think about the making of pearls, the revealing of diamonds, the burning of gold, the pressing of oil, and hey the birthing of life!
Last year, whenever I felt the pressure of the changes coming in my life I kept letting myself know that I may be going through the fire, but I’m coming out gold! I kept reading the story of Job in the Bible, which I highly recommend. Sometimes messed up stuff happens and we have no clue as to why, but we know that our God is a good God. I kept reminding myself of the goodness and lovingkindness of the Lord. I would constantly repeat to myself: God loves me, He knows what I have need of, He takes pleasure in my well being, His thoughts towards me are that I prosper and be in health even as my soul prospers, God knows I can make it through this, nothing happens for naught, I may not understand why, but I know better is coming.
I was brought low last year. Put through the fire. I was challenged in areas I did not see coming. I was faced with dealing with repressed hurts. I had to encourage myself daily. I refused to give up hope, and now after feeling so broken down, I have a new life, new vision, and new hope. My word for the year is renovation!
God and I are renovating my life. He holds the blueprints, plans, and visions. I choose to align myself up with His will for my life and I choose to operate under his direction. The moves I make will be ones of purpose. To renovate means to restore something old to a good place of repair. The breaking down to be built back up to something better than what was before. Being a HGTV kind of girl, some renovations even restore to original plans! I always tell God I wanna be who He created me to be, and man do I desire that like never before.
This year my mind, body, soul, and life is being renovated and I look toward the coming days with joy and determination in my eyes. I want to encourage you to seek the Lord for your word of the year and let’s be accountable to one another to remember our word, and walk in it! Have an amazing year! Do something out of the ordinary, and believe again. I love you all and am excited for new things!
While renovating my life I decided to share with you all a dream the Lord gave me in 2018. My whole life I always said that I wished God would write me a letter and just tell me what to do. I always had so many professions I wanted to pursue and I wanted to choose the one that God created me to do. I knew at a young age, that to do what God has called you to do, there is the blessing; and it is there, work becomes much more than just work.
Well, as time grew on, l would have career conversations with my husband and would always tell him, “I wish God would just call me on the phone and tell me, Shervyse, do this”. I meant that y’all! Whatever God would directly tell me to do, I would do.
More time went on and one night I had a dream…
In the dream I got that phone call.
An angel of the Lord came to me and handed me a cell phone. He said God wanted to talk to me. I took the phone and began to weep. I was then taken to a new place and heard the voice of the Lord in my ear. The voice of the Lord is the most comforting sound you will ever hear. In the dream I straight up asked God what he wants me to do….
God told me, “The Primary School”.
So, you know what…My focus is, The Primary School!
I love film, and I know God led me to study it, and now He has shown me where to focus my studies, and where to go. I am sharing with you because it took me time to surrender. Raw honest moment! Hello! When you have an idea of what you want God to say, and He says something totally different, your flesh tells you to question if it really was God. Be obedient, because it was God! Remember, He is smarter than you, and can see further than you. He made you, and He knows the gifts on the inside of you, and He desires for you to use them to help impact the lives of others, for His glory. Now that I have fully surrendered and fully trust, I’m ready to walk in what God has called me to do. So, hold me accountable! Make sure I stay about my Father’s business!
To my Child Development Teacher back in high school:
You were right, you win, haha!
Some years back I noticed that there were two kinds of Christians: Those who praise God when things are good, but forget His goodness when things are bad; Those who seek God with all they have when things are going bad, but fail to seek Him as much when things are going good. As time went on I realized I was the latter. How did I find out? I found out when I was going through a rough season in my life and I was ready for victory. I was in prayer calling Heaven down and in that moment I had to repent. Why did it take a struggle to bring me to my knees?
I believe so many of us go through difficult seasons. As Christians we try to see the good, but sometimes the good gets blurred as more difficulty comes to view. When I’m going through something that shakes my faith I seek God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. I pray in tongues, I worship in Spirit and in true, I dissect the Word, and I fast to focus and gain instructions. I feel so close and in tune with God. We develop a rhythm and I mess satan up because I consistently tell God how amazing He is. I refuse to let what seems bad and impossible, make me forget all that God has done for me, and all that He is to me, and yet, when I’m in a season of overflow and chilling I don’t seek Him with that same urgency.
The fact is, I need God regardless of my mental, physical, emotional, social, and or financial state! I will always need God. There is no me without Him. He is my life and breath and I cannot function without Him. In the good or in the bad, I am still in need of a Savior and His mercy and grace. I remember one day talking to the youth at my church about their closeness to God. I asked them, “On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the closest, how close are you to God?” Their answers pressed heavy on my heart. The average answer was 5. We then discussed ways to draw closer to God and I shared with them the moments in my life I felt closest to God. They expressed that they wanted to get closer, and I shared with them something God told me. In prayer I too was seeking to get closer to God, but felt who am I to request this, and God said, “You can get as close to me as you want to”. I repeat those words to myself whenever I feel I am missing time with God.
I recently went through a season of one hardship after the other. My family has been hit on every side. I haven’t been posting as much, because I don’t believe in faking the funk. If you see me smiling and bubbly, that’s because I am. When you don’t see me, its because I’m either crazy busy or working through a challenging moment, and recently it has been both. In my seeking God through the rough times I realized that yet again it took me to be brought low to get on my knees and seek God like I know how. I was honestly cruising through life, and treating God like a daily vitamin. I knew I needed Him, and was still praying, praising, worshipping, serving, and witnessing…and yet it was just surface. It was enough to say I did, but I was still missing something. There was a space not fulfilled even in all that I was doing. Now, there were many days I caught a glimpse of what I was missing, and it took for me to slow down to notice the difference.
I was missing the search. When you are a new Christian you want to learn everything about God. You seek Him in everything. You desire understanding and a deep relationship. I always loved the scripture that says God is unsearchable, meaning we will never know all that He is, but man the joy that comes from the search is indescribable! It was like I let our relationship get stale. You know how they say date your spouse, that’s what I needed to do. Date God again! Make time for Him, put Him first, have Him on my mind all day and night, wonder what He’s thinking, go out my way to make Him smile, tell everyone about Him, and know there is no other place I’d rather be than in His presence, because its there that I am home and feel beautiful, complete, and wanted back.
When you’ve been saved for a while, when you live a busy schedule, when you have much on your mind, and heck when you’re simply a human living life, it’s easy to focus on the natural and set spiritual things beside you. Picking up only once reminded to do so. Today I want us all to seek God first and above all; whether this is a time of goodness flowing or fighting the bad. I told God, I want to learn this lesson! I don’t want to wait till I’m going through to seek Him fervently. I want to seek God and search Him constantly, because there will always be something new to learn about God, and we can get as close to Him as we want to!
If you didn’t know already, I am in school for Digital Cinematography, and now that your face looks puzzled I’ll say Filmmaking. I’ve completed my AS and will be wrapping up my BS in Spring of 2020. When I began school I felt so motivated and accomplished. I finally had something that I wanted to do, knew I was meant to do, and was taking the necessary steps to do it. I was doing what so many don’t do in their life, I was pursuing my passion. I took some time off from school after baby #3 and made the decision this year to jump right back in and continue going after my dreams. I was so thrilled to begin again and take my education and career to the next level. Soon after my classes began, and I’m talking real soon, that passion and fire I had, flickered out.
Film has always made my eyes sparkle. Working in front of and behind the camera is just built in my DNA, and yet, there I was getting ready to put the final touches on a school project and my heart was not in it. I sat on the edge of my bed and asked myself, “Is this what I want to do? Do I really want this anymore? God, am I meant to do this?” I questioned everything. I sat there consumed and confused, not feeling so sure about my future and the journey I signed up for. I kept telling myself that I couldn’t quit no matter how I felt, that even if I didn’t want to do it anymore, I could not quit, not being so close, I could not quit.
I even tried to look at old school projects I created that always helped encourage me and spark a big flame in me, but while watching I felt no connection. I just became indifferent noticing that I once was so passionate and sure about film. I then did what I know to do when I have questions, I prayed. I prayed daily asking God what I should do and if film was a part of His will for my life. Two things I do not like doing that goes hand in hand: wasting time, and messing up. Now look, I know we all make mistakes, but dude I do not like making mistakes when it comes to life decisions. I’m like, God, I wanna get it right the first time.
I continued to seek God and hoped for some form of an answer. I was hoping for a loud voice to just say, “Shervyse, do this….” That would have been wild and cool, but it did not happen. You see about a year ago God had given me clear instructions on what He has called me to do, and every since that moment I questioned all my future plans. I thought what he called me to do, was ALL I was meant to do. I became excited and confused at the same time, but God is not the author of confusion. So I became stuck. Constantly asking God for more, more information, more details, more instructions, because again, I do not like to waste time or mess up.
So what happened next? Come close, I’ll tell you…..
I was watching television one night and this show was advertised and I just shook my head and said, “There has got to be better”. Clear as day I heard If you won’t, then who will? I just started to cry, cause y’all know I’m an excellent crier! God began to minister to me and tell me that I was meant to do my dreams and that He placed them there. Yes, I’m still meant to do my calling, and also, my passion because He gets the glory in both; and I get to use the gifts He placed in me. God shared with me that I was never meant to do just one thing, that I wasn’t made like that, and that I always had huge dreams that included so many different avenues, but they all always were about helping his people. He told me that He trusts me, and I’m just filling with tears again.
Guys so many times I feel unworthy and so small and I think how can I, and how will I, and God constantly tells me and sends people to tell me that I will. In my moments of weakness I look at my own strength and forget that it is through Christ that I can do ALL things. God took time out of His day to speak life into lil ol’ me. He knows my every desire and when our will matches His will, all doubts are cancelled out!
In this season I gotta put my blinders on and stay focused. I’m looking to the hills where my help comes from, my help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth! Y’all better get ready because this flickering flame has been stabilized and I’m ready to set some things ablaze.
The pressure of perfection seriously robs you of your peace. Now I know that sounds so deep and so good, but I learned that from a Pastor Steven Furtick sermon a few weeks back! Here’s the thing, human perfection is non existent; wishful thinking. We’ve all heard about striving for perfection, but honestly, if perfection is your goal, you’ll never meet it, and if you spend your life seeking to get it, you will gain a friend named misery. Before I make an all over the place post, let me just start at what is prompting today’s blog.
Last night I was in the bathroom getting ready to wrap my hair. I know its like an inch long, but you gotta protect your strands ladies no matter how few you have or their length! I was doing my nightly routine and rubbing oil onto my skin and getting ready to moisturize my face. The whole time I had so many thoughts going through my head and when I looked up to rub my face I just stopped. I felt tears coming and I refused to let them fall, because I had already had some cry moments earlier in the week, and it was time for bed. I then gave in and let them fall.
As I began to talk to God, because at this point I was done with entertaining all my random thoughts. I was trying to tell God how I felt, and I could not put it into words. I then saw my reflection, and I said, “Lord, I’m worn”.
Y’all this type of post is not my norm, this is usually a personal journal entry, but I’m done with letting my past hurts keep me from being able to be vulnerable with people. I’ve said before this year, I’m the type of person that shares difficulty after I’ve conquered it, not while I’m going through it. This time, I’m sharing my difficulty with you, to help us both.
I believe we all face those moments in life where on one side the blessings are rolling in, and on the other side we are straight up struggling. I felt worn because of how I looked and how I felt. Its one thing to feel down, but for me to look down, I was like dang girl get it together! How you gonna be fresh out the shower and look a hot mess! Ha!
I’m gonna share a raw moment with you all, let you into my current life scene: There are some amazing things going on in our life, and even greater on the way. I am busy. Not the good busy. The trying to do everything and be everything busy, and not getting what I want done, done. It’s a work in progress for me to not take on the stress of others, and some of my family and friends need to seriously get slapped into victory right now. I cry out to God on the behalf of so many people because I see their pain, and feel it, and when you love like I do, it wears on you. I felt worn because although there is good happening, the things that are so hard pressed on my heart I’m still fighting for, and when you’ve been fighting for something for so long, you get worn out!
Now, I’m supposed to be the smile and light chick, and y’all this chick needs some exhale time. I just had to come do a check in to show y’all life is not always sprinkles and rainbows. Lately I have been so irritated with the push for perfection in our society. There is a pressure to always be on point and to have the latest and greatest, but I’m telling you, if you don’t have a personal call on Jesus anytime relationship, those worn moments can be dangerous. I have much on my plate in my personal life, but God! I’m not perfect, and at the moment I’m not perky, heck my hair is still in a headwrap; but you know what? Even though I feel like I’ve been taking some punches, I know God is right here with me, encouraging me to fight on. My swings may be slow right now, but I’m still swinging; and my right jab can knock a dude back! Love y’all, we got this!