Before we get into today’s blog: Hubby called while I was typing so I paused during the process. When I came back to finish up, I contemplated posting. These writings kick down my every wall and show my most vulnerable places. Yet, if learning of my life lessons, makes someone’s life any better, any brighter, I’ll continue to share. Then it is no longer about me, but helping others, and that’s why I live. Ok on to the post……
One day I stood in the doorway of my closet speaking to God. I told Him how I hated depending on people, and how so many people had proven to me they were not dependable. He stopped me and shared with me that it was deeper than that. Over my life I’ve always struggled depending on people. I was the girl that disliked every time the teacher announced we had to do a group project. I knew I might get stuck with people that would not pull their weight. Everyone knew I would work hard, and if they slacked, I would work even harder to ensure a good grade. I struggle depending on others y’all. I could be bleeding and trying to army crawl to a hospital and would not call anyone to help, because to be let down would hurt me more than the physical pain. That day speaking with God I realized the pattern was not with depending on others, but more so no longer wanting to expect from others. When my expectations of others were not met, it became a form of rejection, and yo, I’d rather not feel rejected, so I chose to no longer depend. My logic-If I don’t expect, I won’t get hurt.
I went down the line of my life history pointing out every moment I depended on someone and expected from them, and was let down. I expected to be loved, to be protected, to feel secure, to be enough; and man did I carry the hurt of those rejections with me.
Sometimes I walk out my thoughts. I walk around the house just thinking and reflecting. You see, a major birthday is coming for me next year. All my life I wanted to be 30. Crazy I know lol! I was always an old soul and hearing adult conversations. One day I heard a conversation about those “light bulb” moments that happen in your 30s. I heard how new confidence comes. I heard how establishment comes. I heard how understanding comes. I heard how you allow your voice to be heard when you’re 30, and young me wanted to see the magical shift of my 30s. I thought, when I turn 30, I won’t feel broken anymore. When I turn 30, that light bulb will turn on and I’ll have the confidence I need and the mindset I’ve always wanted.
Who knew that magical 30 shift, would be what Holy Spirit would have happen to me in my late 20s. I began to seek God more and want more for my life. I decided to no longer be trapped by others words and actions. To no longer be trapped by the enemy. To never again be trapped by my own mind. Now let’s talk expectations.
I find that often what our struggle is with people, is also a struggle we have with God. I would treat God like man. I would struggle to depend on Him. I would not expect Him to do what He said He would do. People I expected to be one way, would prove to be another. Would God also?
I’ve learned when God says he is not man, He is not! You can always expect God to show up for you. You can depend on God being good always. You don’t have to wait til you’re older to trust Him fully. You don’t have to wait til you get what you want to trust Him. You don’t have to wait for the sky to crack to see He is the God who can be trusted. He is the God that is beyond all expectations. I mean this in the most respectful and righteous way: People suck sometimes! Ha! No matter how many people have hurt you, there are many people out there who will love you and support you, and even greater, a God who will make every hurt seem so small, because He is so big!
Today, make God big in your life. Seek Him and expect Him to show up. I’m a work in progress and still struggle with depending on others, but I’m learning to trust that no matter what, God is good, and it all works for my good. I lean and depend on God, because He has a proven track record. His credit score is through the roof! Expect great things. Expect great people to be in your life. Expect God to love and care for you like no other. Expect to have joy and peace. Your expectations will not go unnoticed, and will be met. So, what are you expecting? Would love to hear from you!